Several years ago, I was awakened with the most intense, searing pain I had ever experienced in my life. I had the sensation that someone was stabbing in the lower back with a red-hot knife. I managed to get to my feet and made it to the restroom for my morning bladder relief. This immediately added a new level of psychological terror to my physical discomfort.

My urine had come out a dark, muddy brown color.

Mr. Hamm came to my rescue and graciously drove me to the hospital in the “Hamm-bulance”. It didn’t take the emergency room staff long at all to come up with a preliminary diagnosis. I was passing a kidney stone.

Most people have heard that a kidney stone is one of the most painful experiences a person can have. It was certainly the most physically painful experience that I have endured. At the time Mr. Hamm was extremely kind and supportive while I was being seen to by the hospital staff. He expressed that he felt sympathy for me and that he also understood how this was touted to be an extremely painful experience for anyone.

I think this is an important trait to possess and to exercise. As a human being, in my opinion, you should continually strive your best to understand a situation from the perspective of everyone involved. Allow yourself to consider how you would feel or what your thoughts might be if you came from a different background (race, religion, gender, etc.). It seems to me that too often in today’s societies, people are so dismissive of another person if they don’t instantly align completely with your own world views.

Taking the time to consider things from different angles allows you to grow as a person. It forces you to exercise your mind similarly to yoga for the body. It keeps your ways of thinking flexible and adaptable. This should not be considered a weakness. I can’t understand how a person developing the ability to change their opinions or beliefs in the light of new experiences or evidence has come to be considered as a character flaw.

Mr. Hamm could have easily made fun of me for calling him because I was in pain. He could have taken the opportunity to deride me for my weakness. He could have told me that women give birth every day and that is far more painful and that I should stop whining. There are many ways he could have reacted, but he was kind and supportive. To me, this shows a tremendous strength of character.

It was just a few months ago that I received a call from Mr. Hamm to let me know that he was sorry. I was utterly confused. I couldn’t think of a single thing he should be apologizing for. He told me that he had been to the hospital just a few days earlier and was diagnosed and treated for a kidney stone. He said that he had no idea the level of pain that I was in when he so graciously transported me to the ER.

Even though he was kind to me and treated me with complete respect, he said that until he had experienced it for himself, he just had no basis for truly understanding. I only relay this last bit to illustrate that even though you try to put yourself into another person’s place mentally, there is no possible way to truly know their place until you have been there yourself. Sometimes experience is the only teacher.

As the world exists today, I think the only way we can make things better is through empathy. You have to be willing to accept that not everyone’s experience of the world is the same. Even two people going through the same point in time and space may experience that moment in drastically different ways based on their perceptions. Remember, just because someone doesn’t agree with you doesn’t mean that they are your enemy. Strive to understand why they disagree and understand that perspective.

Don’t ascribe to malice that which can be explained by incompetence. In other words, don’t assume that just because a person does or says something that they meant it to be hostile. Most times, they have just never considered how those words or actions could be viewed from any other angle than their own.

Try to be good to yourselves. And be kind to each other.